We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
So much rum. So many feels.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Randomize
