An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
