You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
