Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
You can't just leave with hair like that
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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