it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
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