Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
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