then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Randomize
