3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
i need some magic done to my vagina
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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