just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
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