It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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