what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
