Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
