oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Randomize
