I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
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