You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize