He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Randomize
