All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
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