I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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