its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Randomize
