I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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