Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I licked your asshole in confidence.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
