why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
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