oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
