I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Randomize
