how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
