Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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