Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
