Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
