in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
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