I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
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