I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Randomize