They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
third nipple confirmed
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Randomize