Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
