We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
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