there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
