We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Randomize
