Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
