I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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