If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Randomize
