while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Randomize
