New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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