I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
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