I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
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