when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
