i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize