I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
