fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
