matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
I need to stop coming to work sober
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
