Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Randomize
