I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
