My hand turned me down
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
