bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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