I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize