well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
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