I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Randomize
