Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
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