We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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