Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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