all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Randomize
