i'm signing you up for texting rehab
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Randomize
