im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
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