Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize