You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Randomize
