is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
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