Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I want to be your penis for a week.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
