in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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