i need an iv and a liver transplant
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Randomize
