Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Randomize
