I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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