Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
