Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
