I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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