yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
