it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
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