it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Randomize
