how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Randomize
