so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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