My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
Randomize
