I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
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