from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
