New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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