don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
