Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
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