afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
