Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
