dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize