I can feel you judging me through the phone.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Randomize
