last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Congratulations! We have a period
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
