There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Randomize
