5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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