scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
