Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
he wants to bone in the snuggie
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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