So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
