You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
