Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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