I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
