apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Randomize
