I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
