Why does Corona taste like a burp?
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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