it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Randomize
