Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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