I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Randomize