I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
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