I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Randomize
