it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
