I'm really into asian looking animals
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
