she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
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