Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Drunk is a universal language darling
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
