Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
