The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
Nicole vs. Life
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Randomize
