What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Come share oat with me in your robe
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize