wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Randomize
