is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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