What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
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