Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize